She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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