FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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