I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
50% drunk capacity currently
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
