Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
