apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
