I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
