I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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