just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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