shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and she was petting her beer can
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
