What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
