So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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