Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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