Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
