I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
