I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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