I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
