I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
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He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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