well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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