hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
In America we eat man semen.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
