i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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