Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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