dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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