A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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