Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
