...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
