I think i peed on brittanys purse
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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