you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
