My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
