I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
