I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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