You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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