16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
