how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
