i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
