No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
