if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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