They should really pass out barf bags in church
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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