I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
