I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
