Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
