He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
