You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
