My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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