I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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