i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
