i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
