I'm lost and stupid without you.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
