Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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