You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
