Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
