remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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