Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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