Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's always time for handjobs
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
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UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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