well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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