she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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