i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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