If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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