Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
