You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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