I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
