There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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