Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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