If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
