So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
