I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
