I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
