I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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