I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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