Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if i died would you start the facebook group?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
