That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
