i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
