..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
